chapter nein

M is leaving. I’ve been working really hard at keeping things together, and it hasn’t helped. We have been through a lot of tough times, and now that things are on an even keel, all of this dredge rises to the top of the barrel.

It’s not a fighting, angry, hurtful kind of thing. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t stress or hurt everyone involved, but it’s not as bad, I suppose.

My primary concern is for the girls. I cannot be away from them, and must be a part of their lives. All of my family live pretty close. M hasn’t been very close with her family, but has made mention of going back to that area, in PA on the NJ side.

I think that would be hell on the girls, and for visitation options.

The thing about me keeping them at this point would be work. I leave before they go to school in the mornings, and come home way after they get home from school.

I’m not totally sure what to do.

I’ve given up all my friends over the years, and have put distance between myself and my family as well, being totally devoted to her. I’m wondering what kind of karma I have stored that makes this right. When does the shock subside and the pain start to internalize?